MTC - Week 3 "We are going CraZy"

Hola;

Well we are all going a little cRaZy here at the MTC!!! I have these laugh attacks during class! I laugh so hard I start to cry and I cant stop!! It makes my teacher laugh. He thinks I am really funny. One night after one of my laugh attacks he thanked me as I was leaving class. He said 'gracias Hermana' and I said 'porque' and he said 'because you are great!' haha At least someone thinks I am funny!
We are all pretty music deprived! Oh yeah....we cant listen to music in the MTC! So everyone just sings everywhere all the time even if they suck...which is rare!
They added ANOTHER bunk bed to our room! That means there will be 6 of us! and we will have to share closets! bleh. But oh well! So many people want to serve the Lord its great! Did you hear about the new MTC in Mexico! Its all spanish! Even if you are going to the states! Soon all MTCs will be done by language!
I am so amazed that we are handling this place like champs! I told my companion- Hermana Hansen that this makes me NEVER want to go to prision...well not that I did before but anyways! (its really not that bad)
Being set apart as a missionary is a powerful tool! It keeps us all sane! One day we were talking about how amazed we were with our focus! We decided we got a big dose of spiritual adderall!
I have forgotten my first name. Our first week here I was telling a story and said something in third person using "my name" and Hermana Gordon said in shock 'YOUR NAMES MIRANDA?!' It was funny....but everything is funny here!

Any way....I am in complete awe of the Lord! I spent all last week pleading with the Lord for a reconfirmation that the church is true, that Joseph Smith is a true prophet of the Lord, and that I could better understand my purpose as a missionary. I felt like I was getting no answer and so maybe just maybe what I was doing wasnt right. But there was something inside of me that wouldnt let me stop asking, wouldnt let me give up. I wanted an answer and I knew I was entitled to one.

The Lord knows His children so well its astounding! My struggle, worry, and grief made my answer that much more amazing to me. When Joseph Smith was suffering in Liberty Jail he pleaded with the Lord 'O, God where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?' (D&C 121:1). Thats how I felt! Lord, Where are you!?? On Sunday one of the counselors in the MTC presidency, President Hacking said 'Everyone is going to spend some time in Liberty Jail, Spritually that is. He said every experience will turn into a good experience as long as we stay bonded to the Lord. Sometimes we try and pray our pain away and we might just be praying away a great opportunity.'

I cant tell you some huge sign came to me that brought me to complete submission to His will. It was a three day period of simple moments. These moments were so small but they spoke to my heart. It was in the comforting words of other Hermanas, it was in the eyes of my teacher as he bore his testimony, and in the conviction of our leaders during mission conference and Sunday night devotional. It was in those moments that the Lord spoke so subtly to me and said 'Miranda...my love....you already know. you already know I am here.' The spirit spoke to me because I had no reservation, because I didnt stop living the Gospel despite my questions. And because He knew, that if I knew. Really really knew I would give up everything I have for Him. He knows I will endure to the end. Which means I will repent everyday for my sins, have faith and hope in Him despite my trials. In the words of Sister Clayton 'a women of virtue is not afraid of the snow (trials) , she knows life happens on the hills, and growth happens outside of your comfort zone.'

I am here because He wants me here. Because HE wants me to feed His sheep and save His lambs. I am here because I truly truly love Him. I know I was asked to speak spanish because there is someone out there that needs to hear His words, that needs to feel His spirit and use His amazing gift, His healing and atoning sacrafice. To know 'fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever' (D&c 122:9).

In the words of Hermana Gordon 'People told me my mission would have the highest highs and lowest lows. I just didnt think it would be all in one day" Isnt that the truth! Thats okay though because I am doing this for Him. I am here for Him.  How could I not make this small sacrafice after the one He made for me. I am so beyond happy here. The blessings I have recieved are incredible.

The Lord wants you to reach out to Him. Endure to the end, have hope, have faith. Dont EVER give up on the Lord. He knows when its time to get your answers. Only HE knows when its time for certain blessings. We are on His time and His timing is perfect!

XOXOXOX
Hermana Koutz

MTC - Week 1 "Total Immersion"

Its crazy to think that just last week at this time I would be going into the MTC in just one hour!!!!! That was probably the longest day of my life!!!! probably the first three were actually! I'll admit the first couple days I didnt think I would make it! I just kept thinking ohhhh no what did I get myself into!!!!!! But everyone says make till Sunday and youll be good!!! Thats the truth! I love it here!!! I am still reaching for my cell phone every once in a while but you know what they say 21 days breaks a habit!! haha.

It is kinda hmmmm....sucky to wake up at 6:30 everymorning and leave your room while its still dark. But we are getting used to it...kinda. We have to walk up 4 flights of stairs to get to our classroom on the 5th floor. on the 3rd floor there is a window in the stairwell facing Provo and its an amazing view of the mountains. We have a hard time not stopping to look out it to see the outside world!!

I love my companion she is from Sterling, Utah. I love all of the Hermamans in my district and we are all going to Fort Lauderdale which they say is very rare! All of the Elders are going to Fresno. We are the first district ever to have more Hermanas than Elders! We are also the first district to be on the six week program. Everyone else who came beofre us has been on the 6 + 3. Which is basically our 6 week program only they get 3 weeks of review. Pretty lucky!

On our first day we walked into class our teacher only spoke spanish and thats how it has been ever since! They call it total immersion. It was pretty hard to get used to! We were all shocked and little scared!! Our teachers name is Hermano Orme and we all love him! He is the BEST!!! Every day we have 9+ hours of class, always in the same class room but I am really starting to not mind it! I am finally starting to understand spanish y there are some words that are total implemented in my brain in espanol. I dont know if I'll ever say them in english again! The 6 of us girls in my district made a goal to only speak spanish starting after lunch! That starts tomorrow! I am a little nervous!

We have already taught our investagator Lenin 3 times. In espanol of course! the first two times were a disaster. We had no idea what to say or ever how to say it! For our first lesson my companera thought it would be a good idea to start off by singing "I am a child of God" I was so nervous I was laughing the whole time we....more like she was singing. I was laughing so hard I was crying! I was embaressed to say the least!

After our second lesson that also didnt go so well we all began venting to Hermano Orme about how hard spanish was and how we were never going to be able to do it! He began speaking to us in english (thank goodness) and he taught us an amazing lesson. He said doubt and fear CAN NOT coexist! We need to have faith in the Lord. Have faith in the atonement. Have faith that if we trust Jesucristo and try our best He WILL make up the rest! We need to forget our frustration and remember that we are not here to learn spanish we are here to bring others to Christ!! Or in Elder Bednars words: "GET OVER YOURSELF!! Its not about YOU! Its about Him and the people!"Hermano Orme said that if we have doubt or fear we can not have Christ light because we are in the darkeness. He said we are in the cave of doubt. and the only light is outside of the cave. The light that comes from the sun/SON!!!

Guess what our third lesson went amazing!!! We trusted Christ! The gift of tongues is real al long as you work for it and have faith!

Shoot well my time is up!!! I love you and miss you so much! Its best to write letters or use Dearelder.com which is same day delivery because I cant get on ,y email till Wednesdays!!! ALL MY LOVE FOREVER AND EVER!!!

XOXOXOXOX,

Hermana Miranda Paige Koutz!!!!!!